Recently it dawned on me that I am an adult.
I don’t know exactly when it happened, but here I stand with my own adult responsibilities and small human to care for. I feel so unprepared.
I am much like Ted
Friends of mine have skills in domestic arts such as cooking and knitting and not looking like zombies when they go in public. I must have been out sick the days where they taught these things. The most impressive skill I posses is bow drilling (basically making fire from sticks) and that has yet to come in handy in my life as a full time mom. I also have a really good memory for lyrics. Again… Not very helpful.
Basically I can do what this guy is doing, except while singing all of Don McLean’s “American Pie”
Right now we are working on decorating and furnishing our house. I am shocked and appalled that someone left this task to me, because I don’t even know what’s going on and then suddenly there is someone trying to sell me a coffee table and I can’t even tell you the difference in a “family room” and a “living room” yet I am expected to furnish both of these things without making a complete ass of myself.
I think to myself, that surely someone must be mistaken here. Only real adults can decide if a loveseat or a chair and a half is appropriate. But there I am in a furniture mall wearing my baby and answering questions about square footage.
I feel like a kindergartener sitting the SAT.
But then… I never even actually took the SAT. So maybe I just feel like regular me taking the SAT. It’s best described as a comic book thought bubble with only the word “What.” Written inside.
As a kid it seemed like adults just knew the answers to these things. They knew all the names for different chairs and which ones were appropriate for which rooms. It was just programmed into their adult brains it seemed. Maybe my parents neglected to teach me this life skill. Or maybe, just maybe, they were bullshitting their way through and hoping no one notices, just like I am now
Moses doubts my qualifications as “adult”. He is onto me.